You (that's a figurative "you") are Cordially Invited!

I know you've all been waiting for me to answer a lame-ass cliché question like: "Who'd you most enjoy sharing a cigar with?" or "What rap song has inspired you the most and why?" - and as much as I like to keep people waiting, having discussed a question like the above a mere hour ago - I will oblige.

I don't know how many of your community college applications included this question: "If you could have dinner with anyone - living or dead, who would it be?" . . . but I sure do wish any of the (one) school I got into had this on the list.

In pondering my response to this serious question, I think I need to give a serious answer - so I'll do a two part answer, maybe even three if you play your cards right.

First off - to hell with dinner - how about either (1) tea & strumpets; or (2) a morning, afternoon, evening and/and nightcap? Okay, good. Now that we have agreed on that - handwritten invitations would go to the following:

• Harry Potter
• Poseidon
• Jack Dawson, "Titanic" - I'm pretty sure he was a real person too, right?
• Jessie Spano
• Holden Caulfield
• Aslan from "The Chronicles of Narnia"
• Pope JP the Second
• Bill Clinton
• Nancy Grace
• Phyllis Vance

Of course, the Two Fat Ladies would cook a hearty bacon-wrapped feast, centerpieces would be furnished by Martha Stewart while Hope-rah and Gayle would tickle the ivories with their rendition of "Heart & Soul."

IDK if this list even needs explaining - we'll see how we feel tomorrow. Good night, friends.