February 27, 2010

Nick Lachey is all up in my business. (Business = Downtown Raleigh). Let's hope he remembers when we met at some 98 Degrees concert(s) in 2000 & 2001.

February 23, 2010

Few things are more offensive than unattractives w/ "I Love Palin" bumper stickers. My ovaries feel like shit for sharing your imaginary littering w/ the fuzz.

February 8, 2010

Turnabout is fair play.

Well, you lazy bitches didn't get my boy in the top spot for that crazy Bissell vacuum Most Valuable Pet award for 2010. Yes, you'll have to live with this on your consciousness(es) forever. Or, if you're like me, you were born without a conscious and have proceeded to ignore my scolding and open a Miller Lite. Whatever.

So here we are, the Superbowl is over, the Saints have won (you're welcome for ruining your night of DVR . . . or you could blame that precious Robin Roberts) and Drew Brees is currently looking for an American Sign Language institution for his tyke after he blasted the poor kid with those outlandishly big headphones (at least it wasn't a 9mm, right? Silver lining y'all, silver lining).

Anyway, something I've been hearing has me all a-Twitter. Yes, I meant to write every word in that sentence. Tim and Mother Hen Tebow had some anti-abortion/pro-life commercial? Was this before or after the "Men Without Pants" ad . . because, to be honest, that's one of the only one's I remember (a big shout-out to Aristocrat Vodka for my 44th/whatever fucking number it was Superbowl blackout and subsequent 4 millionth work hangover.)

Anyway, I saw the ad, but I didn't get that whole let-someone-else-control-your-ovaries vibe. Maybe it was because I was too busy trying to figure out what retarded mammal Tim Tebow most closely resembles. Or which dinosaur he would be if he was resurrected as one. Or how manly Mama Tebow looks. Or how in the world he won a Heisman looking like a clown. Or how horribly scarred those poor kids he visits in his "mission trips" are left as he departs. Whatever, I don't get it.

We all know I'm not going to take the time to search that shit and watch it, while I do have the time, Tim Tebow is always at the top of my "To-Don't" list, and honestly, I can't be bothered. I will say this however (assuming that commercial was was pro-taking-over-my-fallopians), the campaign was ridiculously ineffective, we all know there's no better case for the pro-choice argument than an ugly child.

February 1, 2010

Shut it!

Wow, I'm totes not directing that at you, darling. Listen, tomorrow, we've got a lot to talk about. The fact that I've been snowed in for the past 5 days, the fact that I introduced my boyfriend to the cabin fever version of myself (yes, sans mystic), the fact that the Grammys were on, and finally, we both know I'll have to devote at least a paragraph to the Michael Jackson tribute, Prince Michael's beautiful blue eyes & of course, John Edwards. While you're waiting, go ahead and vote for my son by clicking the button below, registering and doin' it to it. Come on, y'all, Mama needs a new pair of shoes. Ahh! Thank you!

MVP Pet Photo Contest sponsored by BISSELL, maker of pet vacuum cleaners.