October 21, 2008

oh hellz no.

Yikes! Two days of blogging in a row. I normally find that after I spend a few minutes (by that I mean hours) chronicling my deepest thoughts, fears and dreams, I'm drained for at least a month and have trouble feeling anything in this cold stone heart I was cursed/blessed with. However, there are some things that come along in life (like the state of my homegirl, America) and one can not sit idly by--in fact, I think I used that exact phrase yesterday. Today, as I was strolling in (late) to work, I received a blackberry message from a friend who urged me to check out http://www.dlisted.com/ (my absolute FAVORITE blog, ever) because my best friend, raven, was featured. Excitedly, I pushed the work that had been left on my chair from yesterday afternoon aside and logged in. Imagine my disgust when I saw the following: http://www.dlisted.com/node/28861.

Poor Raven! It takes so much for her to be so beautiful, talented, compassionate and full of life . . . I mean, between her good looks, her "how-to" website (dedicated to making adorable, yet useful arts and crafts) to her budding soon-to-be multi-platinum music career to her award-winning acting, I oftentimes wonder how the girl has time to breathe. But she does it, and keeps on going, tirelessly shaking them haters off. You can't be surprised that every now and then the weight of the world wears her down. Let's take a look at her MySpace blog entry detailing her current struggles. She writes:

"I WAS BORN WITH MESSED UP EYE BROWS, LOOK AT THE COSBY SHOW THEY GROW UPSIDE DOWN AND ON THE WRONG EYE. THAT IS MY PARENTS DOING AND MY BROTHER HAS THE SAME ONES. IM SORRY IF I WANT TO GO OUT ONE DAY AND NOT FILL THEM IN. IM SURE OTHER PEOPLE DONT GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH THEIR FACE BEAT (MAKE-UP TERM, FLAWLESS MAKE UP). MY BODY SIZE; OOOHHH MY GOD!!!! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN… IV BEEN ON TV FOR 21 YEARS, AND IV ALWAYS BEEN THICK…..OK!!!!NOW IF ANYONE KNOWS MY FAMILY, ALL OF THE WOMEN EXCEPT FOR A FEW, STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING WHAT IS A SOCIALLY EXCEPT-ABLE WEIGHT. WHEN I STRESS I GAIN, WHEN IM HAPPY WHO KNOWS… I HAD A LOT OF PERSON THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AT THE END OF THE SHOW, DEALING WITH FAMILY, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AND I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM (LISTEN TO LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME, AND SECRETS) AND LIKE ANY FEMALE WITH A PROBLEM, DELT WITH IT A CERTAIN WAY! ID LOVE IF THE INDUSTRY COULD ONE DAY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBESITY AND FAT AND THICK AND THIN AND SICK. I AM A THICK GIRL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVER A SIZE 12, I CAN RUN, AND I TRY MY BEST TO EAT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT THE TEXT BOOK WEIGHT THAT THEY SAY I SHOULD BE, BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLES, AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT."

I hope she did a double snap after she posted that shit. The thing is, I wanna call her up and just holler out "YOU GO GIRL!" but then hang up immediately. I feel her pain. While, I actually was born with amazingly shaped eyebrows (thanks, Mom) . . . we all have our faults, and Raven's brows in particular should not be blamed. Let's continue analyzing Raven's searing social commentary. Okay, homegirl's thick, and by thick I mean beautiful. What I wouldn't give for a slumber party and game of M.A.S.H. I hate that Ray is letting society's perception of beauty get her down, "YOU GO GIRL!" . . . I saw you in "College Road Trip" and am waiting for your Oscar nod. Ain't no thing Raven!

Normally I'd have no tolerance for an ALL-CAPS post let alone one that was so riddled with spelling/grammatical errors. But, Ray's human, just like you and me! I have my own friends proofing my work, because, let's be honest, I may be an English major (degree holder..?) but when you're blogging like Raven and I do, its pure emotion. Sympathy needs to be the name of the game. This girl is so distraught over her family problems and cheating boyfriend that she didn't even realize her dress was stained (probably from hair wax, not grease, jackass). Just go listen to her damn songs and feel the pain. I mean, who's to say that, if someone made a rude and scathingly unfair comment about my blowout not achieving the height of its body or volume I wouldn't go batshit crazy? . . .

In summation, everyone needs to lay the fuck off. I'd defend any one of you attractive motherfuckers if the same thing happened and I had nothing to do.

You go on Raven-Symone Pearlman! You go girl!

P.S. Raven! Call me, I like to "run" too, except, its called a walk/jog and normally takes the form of rum/crystal light, a cigarette and a quick walk around my block. But who's splitting hairs? Whatevs.

October 20, 2008

love for country/love for oneself.

Even titling this entry took me a few minutes. Whereas I normally am quick as lighting with my wit and delight, the topic of this blog, while incredibly necessary, has taken some time to fully formulate. In fact, I'm not sure I'll even be able to complete this during my 8 hours workday, and its not even because I have other things to do. The importance and imperative nature of this subject matter, in my opinion, cannot be glossed over. While many of you are used to my stories about drunk texting and inappropriate dealings in general (and, let's be honest, in specific), I think there comes a time in everyone's life that we must grow up and blog about the potential we each have within us, the journey each of us travels and our hopes and aspirations for our own future. Having said this, please don't worry that the hilarity of my life is going to halt. No, no, no. (Trust me, I've tried.) But I do think (know) the following post will uplift and refresh the every single blessed soul that reads this. You're welcome.

A lot of people have been hounding me to reveal who I'm going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election; and don't even get me started on the gubernatorial race. Obviously, this statement is totally a lie, people have known that I'm voting for Barack Obama since the beginning of time (i.e. he started campaigning for the said position). That being said, I have received incredible rebuff and criticism for my choice (made after hours of my own speculation and criticism to anyone else's choice) . . . My choice is thoughtful, rational and passionate . . . I only wish the same could be said for McCain's choice in Governor Palin. Now, now, this is not going to be anti-GOP, in fact, as some of you might already know, I used to be so in love with the Grand Old Party it was ridic. I mean really, the swagger of George W. Bush gained my vote (thank God I wasn't able to vote during his first bid for the White House). In all seriousness, I was raised Conservative, in a home where I was taught to hate anything different from me: people, ideas, countries, hairstyles that didn't include a fringe bang. Whatevs. I don't need to go through the entire transformation, but I will say that now, I am an independent, with socialist/democratic leanings (socialism was obvi a joke, let's lighten it up here).

So, as I said earlier, my presidential selection was met with plenty of contention. I still remember sitting in the apartment of a former friend ('former' for reasons that have nothing to do with her ignorance--or acne scars) and upon proclaiming my love for Barack, I was met with a scowl (even worse than how she usually looked) with the sentiment, "You're gonna vote for that damn n***** who is a Muslim who's gonna bomb our country?" Apart from my surprise at her astounding lacking knowledge of adult concepts/intelligence, I was speechless. Surely, someone I had known since the age of 8, a girl that I had gone in the same prom group with, this wasn't for real. Despite the fact that there was nothing funny in the statement, I thought, for sure she must be jesting. Was she this ignorant? I prodded into her reasoning and eventually poked holes in her assertions, which wasn't hard. When you argue/state facts in response to a malicious and idiotic statement, it doesn't take long. However, as she went to sleep, I stayed awake and pondered. This 'friend' was albeit more 'uninformed' than the majority of my conservative friends, but would my love for Barack illicit this response from everyone?

Thankfully I found out the answer was 'no.' And good thing, I find it hard to associate with two types of people on any regular basis. People that are 1. unattractive or 2. unintelligent have no room in my life, thankfully. I choose to stay out of their melee and go about being free-thinking and adorable, and yes, I thank God for this nightly. And don't start on me about republican bashing. I could care less who you're voting for (this is not true, but for the sake of posterity...), as long as you vote. If you want to take control of my ovaries, at least present me with some facts behind your choice to take mine from me. Kewl! Didn't Confucius (or Ben Franklin, whoever) say.. "Wherever so you go, go with all your heart"...? If you're gonna do it, do it, but don't be a dummy.

So, after General Colin Powell's endorsement of Obama, I decided I'd reveal exactly who I'm voting for, along with why, and how I made this work, in my own life. gObama. No big surprise there. What is surprising is that I'm not voting for him because he's black. While I enjoy the occasional (all the time) jort, a good Biggie song ("Juicy" will be played at my funeral) the color of Barack's skin (which, btw is black and white--the image of Mike Jackson should appear in each of your heads for the moment) has nothing to do with it. I have received this from numerous people who have claimed that because 102.1 is my favorite FM station, of course I'm voting for the darker candidate. GMAB (Give me a break, for those of you slow on the uptake . . . awkward) . . . It was hard to put into words the exact reasons I was casting my vote for Barry--ok fine, you got it, it really wasn't. From controlling my own ovaries, to the ability to civilly unite with my own Rojo Caliente (MK shout) to sex-education with some semblance of thought/reason/sex involved, the reasons are not hard to find. In order to make it easier on you, I've been struck with the exact reason I'm voting for Barack (in addition to all those other relevant, fact-based reasons) because in America I see a little bit of myself, and let's be honest, no one's perfect.

So, let's take a look at the United States of America . . . arguably the greatest country the world has ever seen. I'm not one of those people who thinks America will never fall, but I'm hopeful we'll be able to weather through this mass of bullshit we've gotten ourselves into and stay the greatest country, for another 236 (or whatev it is now) years, at the minimum. That being said, America has positives and negatives. Now, I'm not talking about the America of George Washington and Ben Franklin, or even the America of JFK, Jr. or even the United States of "Step by Step" starring the amazingly talented Suzanne Sommers and Patrick Duffy (still hot after all these years, Google that shit.. you're welcome). I'm talking about the United States of here and now, October 20, 2008. In an effort to bring myself out of the nostalgic haze of great past semesters and periods of life, I've recently decided to only focus on the here and now, especially in matters of self-improvement. I'll continue. Homegirl's (America's not me, yet) economy is shit, and with that we can't afford to stay in our houses, people are losing jobs (my roommate/mother's job is being outsourced at the end of the year, but, I digress...), medical research's gone downhill (by that I mean halted), we're the joke of the world, I don't need to go on. What a horrible state of affairs. Really, it is. Repub or Dem, you can't deny that shit. I got to thinking about America and the state she (and in turn, every American) is in, and suddenly it hit me. I'm not so different from America after all! Listen, check it. I think its safe to say that I've been out-of-control/drunk dialing/wildly fun for the past 4 (okay, 5-6) years. Damn! Think of the toll that's taken on my dignity, body and mind. Can you imagine how much smarter and wittier I'd be if I didn't pound $2 jager shots on a nightly basis throughout my college career? How much more pointed my jests would be if I didn't spend so much time with random fraternity boys from 2004-2006? It frightens me to think of my untapped/wasted potential! I know you are shuddering at the thought as well! If I had spent any time studying in college instead of nightly 'social hours' at Waterford 109 with one (or three) box of franzia, carb smart and Marlboro Lights, I'd have not only graduated on time but I'd most likely be living sans my roommates (who also are my mother and my sister) and head of a national corporation (hey, shut it, my blog, my rulez). I think you're starting to get the picture. I've only been doing this shit for the past five years! Our homegirl America has been taking shit from all sides since '00! I cannot even imagine where my body would lie (likely in the bottom of a drained pool in Austin, or worse, Round Rock . . .) if I had been getting tanked and being this irresponsible since the turn of the century! You bitches wouldn't have the pleasure of reading this blog, because I'd be dead or in jail (again), believe that.

One of the reasons I love America (and my own life) so much is the power and belief of hope, change and renewal at any instant. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up over the past few years and said "Shit girl! 1. Where are you?; 2. What the fuck are you doing?; 3. Who is this?; and 4. Where's your car?" I think America has had a few of these moments, too. I think a result of these moments earned Nancy Pelosi her leading spot in 2006. We each have moments of self-awakening and realization that propels us forward. Thank God. So here we are as a nation and as a borderline alcoholic . . . and we (America and me, of course) can do one of two things. Keep the status quo as it is currently, whether it shows itself as America continuing to be a global jackass in our interactions with other countries (or my continuation as the jackass of the Piedmont with continued drunk dialing) or we can put quit spending our hard-earned (or not) cash on the Iraq War and/or Kamikaze shots and WISE UP!

So, yes, I'm voting for Barack because I think America (along with yours truly) needs to seriously, for real, open our eyes. We are on a dangerous path of self-destruction. However, there is no one that can remedy these maladies but us. Expensive psychiatrists/consultants/etc. aren't going to provide the answer. We need to look into each one of own consciousnesses and personal journeys to figure out what the best person (or country) we can be looks like and just fucking do it.

I'm not for handouts, but at the same time, I don't think there's a thing wrong with people supporting each other in times of need, or times of happiness and plenty. I can't see myself getting an abortion, but I also don't think that anyone joyfully skips down to a clinic and I sure as hell think they deserve the right to control over their own bodies. SO SUE ME.

So, I am challenging you (slash myself) to come the fuck on! Clean your act up! You're getting too fucking old to profess your love at 2am on a Tuesday after a Presidential Debate and two bottles of Pinot. That shit is for children! You're better than that! Does this mean we'll never slip up and have a 'birthday' jager bomb on the house? Fuck no. That's what life's about: mistakes, but also learning from them. Take it from someone who has a little difficulty on that last part-- it's not easy. There's a reason my diary/journal sounds like a broken record-- change is hard, and by hard, I mean a motherfucking pain-in-the-ass. Seriously. Who likes that? I sure don't. But it is inherent in our nature, as a country, and as a people and in mine (and yours) as a person. So, put away your hatred, your ridicness and your cell phones, unless its before 10:00 at night.

So fine, you got it out of me pre-Election Day. This year, I'm GO(ing)BAMA.