February 2, 2012
Before we continue, did y'all note which ultra-celeb endorsed a GOP candidate the other day? That's right. Snoop D-o-double-g put his weight behind Ron Paul. Melding the republican and hip-hop worlds ... just like I'd done hours before. I hate calling Mr. Broadus a poser, but, if the shoe fits, the lace the fuck up Snoop Doggy Dogg. Do I think the endorsement is worth rolling a J to celebrate? Absolutely not. Everyone knows stoners don't vote. But I appreciate Snoooooop for trying to rock my vote.
Let's get back to gangsta rappers and the sweeping generalizations we love about them.
Do you all remember back in middle school, that story you heard about Lil' Kim? The rumor that she had to have her stomach pumped because she ingested man juice from all of Junior M.A.F.I.A. and their entourage(s) (which I bet includes Puff Daddy). Don't even pretend you didn't hear that shit. I remember exactly what I was doing when my friend shared that ... Diddy (get it?) with ya girl. Needless to say, I did not do very well on my Counties of North Carolina pop quiz. It's also unnecessary to note that the (hopefully) tall tale scared the fuck out of me - to the dismay of anyone I've ever had a one-hour stand with (succkkkas).
Her Republican counterpart? Well, counterparts, I should say? Michele Bachmann, obviously! I know I wasn't the only one to take pointers on Michele's corndogging skillz (which I would wager have paid more than the billz at one point or another). And yes, I know how nauseating that last sentence is - I did have to type it, after all. I'm not saying I heard any man juice stories about Bachmann (Michele, not her husband) before Drop-Everything-And-Read time during my last year of middle school, I'm just saying a picture is worth a kazillion words. Plus, there's no way Michele is smart enough to break though any kind of glass ceiling, she got that representative job somehow - I'm just saying.
Yuck. Let's hope 2012 brings Lil' Kim back and puts Michele at home with a tube down her throat, eh? Oh gosh! I don't mean any malice! She wouldn't even gag!