October 21, 2008

oh hellz no.

Yikes! Two days of blogging in a row. I normally find that after I spend a few minutes (by that I mean hours) chronicling my deepest thoughts, fears and dreams, I'm drained for at least a month and have trouble feeling anything in this cold stone heart I was cursed/blessed with. However, there are some things that come along in life (like the state of my homegirl, America) and one can not sit idly by--in fact, I think I used that exact phrase yesterday. Today, as I was strolling in (late) to work, I received a blackberry message from a friend who urged me to check out http://www.dlisted.com/ (my absolute FAVORITE blog, ever) because my best friend, raven, was featured. Excitedly, I pushed the work that had been left on my chair from yesterday afternoon aside and logged in. Imagine my disgust when I saw the following: http://www.dlisted.com/node/28861.

Poor Raven! It takes so much for her to be so beautiful, talented, compassionate and full of life . . . I mean, between her good looks, her "how-to" website (dedicated to making adorable, yet useful arts and crafts) to her budding soon-to-be multi-platinum music career to her award-winning acting, I oftentimes wonder how the girl has time to breathe. But she does it, and keeps on going, tirelessly shaking them haters off. You can't be surprised that every now and then the weight of the world wears her down. Let's take a look at her MySpace blog entry detailing her current struggles. She writes:

"I WAS BORN WITH MESSED UP EYE BROWS, LOOK AT THE COSBY SHOW THEY GROW UPSIDE DOWN AND ON THE WRONG EYE. THAT IS MY PARENTS DOING AND MY BROTHER HAS THE SAME ONES. IM SORRY IF I WANT TO GO OUT ONE DAY AND NOT FILL THEM IN. IM SURE OTHER PEOPLE DONT GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH THEIR FACE BEAT (MAKE-UP TERM, FLAWLESS MAKE UP). MY BODY SIZE; OOOHHH MY GOD!!!! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN… IV BEEN ON TV FOR 21 YEARS, AND IV ALWAYS BEEN THICK…..OK!!!!NOW IF ANYONE KNOWS MY FAMILY, ALL OF THE WOMEN EXCEPT FOR A FEW, STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING WHAT IS A SOCIALLY EXCEPT-ABLE WEIGHT. WHEN I STRESS I GAIN, WHEN IM HAPPY WHO KNOWS… I HAD A LOT OF PERSON THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AT THE END OF THE SHOW, DEALING WITH FAMILY, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AND I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM (LISTEN TO LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME, AND SECRETS) AND LIKE ANY FEMALE WITH A PROBLEM, DELT WITH IT A CERTAIN WAY! ID LOVE IF THE INDUSTRY COULD ONE DAY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBESITY AND FAT AND THICK AND THIN AND SICK. I AM A THICK GIRL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVER A SIZE 12, I CAN RUN, AND I TRY MY BEST TO EAT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT THE TEXT BOOK WEIGHT THAT THEY SAY I SHOULD BE, BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLES, AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT."

I hope she did a double snap after she posted that shit. The thing is, I wanna call her up and just holler out "YOU GO GIRL!" but then hang up immediately. I feel her pain. While, I actually was born with amazingly shaped eyebrows (thanks, Mom) . . . we all have our faults, and Raven's brows in particular should not be blamed. Let's continue analyzing Raven's searing social commentary. Okay, homegirl's thick, and by thick I mean beautiful. What I wouldn't give for a slumber party and game of M.A.S.H. I hate that Ray is letting society's perception of beauty get her down, "YOU GO GIRL!" . . . I saw you in "College Road Trip" and am waiting for your Oscar nod. Ain't no thing Raven!

Normally I'd have no tolerance for an ALL-CAPS post let alone one that was so riddled with spelling/grammatical errors. But, Ray's human, just like you and me! I have my own friends proofing my work, because, let's be honest, I may be an English major (degree holder..?) but when you're blogging like Raven and I do, its pure emotion. Sympathy needs to be the name of the game. This girl is so distraught over her family problems and cheating boyfriend that she didn't even realize her dress was stained (probably from hair wax, not grease, jackass). Just go listen to her damn songs and feel the pain. I mean, who's to say that, if someone made a rude and scathingly unfair comment about my blowout not achieving the height of its body or volume I wouldn't go batshit crazy? . . .

In summation, everyone needs to lay the fuck off. I'd defend any one of you attractive motherfuckers if the same thing happened and I had nothing to do.

You go on Raven-Symone Pearlman! You go girl!

P.S. Raven! Call me, I like to "run" too, except, its called a walk/jog and normally takes the form of rum/crystal light, a cigarette and a quick walk around my block. But who's splitting hairs? Whatevs.

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