As I was taking my two hour 'extended lunch' today I heard some very disturbing news on the radio. Miley Cyrus is coming out with a clothing line. After I got my car back on the highway I began to think about this. Okay, Miley, I'll give you the traditional "you go girl!" - but I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy and resentment on behalf of my girl, Raven Symone.
Raven also had a hit television show on Disney (for those that have seen it - it was so much funnier than "Hannah Montana" and way more realistic, let's be honest) and has a couple albums and for a while - was the hottest thing around. You can't argue that point. And I am almost certain the knock of opportunity presented itself before Raven, I mean, Hello! she totally cameo'ed in the Princess Diaries 2! And furthermore, don't try to pretend that College Road Trip didn't get a few Oscar nods. If she were to style her clothing line to be exactly like her show - I can't even stand to think of the sheer pleasure I'd get from those purchases. My disappointment is growing with each letter typed.
I cut my lunch short and canceled a mani to get back to a location where I could gather more information on Miley's new line. Thank god I hadn't eaten lunch because I still feel sick. Literally disgusted, although, not surprised.
In an US Weekly article, Miley announced her new line - which will be sold at . . . Wal-Mart. Whew. Okay. So typical. I can't have Miley pulling a Jennifer Hudson just yet. I'm not ready. Apparently all the clothes will be under $20.00 - again, typical, and will be kind of rocker/punk/"so cute you guys!"
Miley went on to Twitter: "I'm so exited to share this wit u."
First of all - did Billy Ray forget to take Miley to grade school? I don't fucking care if you only have 140 characters available per 'tweet' - an "h" and a "yo" would have definitely fit on that shit. Embarrassing. What's even worse, as I read that, I could hear Miley squeal with excitement as she read the sentence aloud in that deep/husky/lisp in the back of her mouth voice. Thanks, but no thanks.
Second, isn't Miley like 11 and a half? That would explain the spelling - but, seriously, WTF is she going to make? Lohan has already done leggings and I honestly can't think of another wardrobe necessity for young, undeveloped boys (girls) - bibs? Onesies? I guess I'd support a bib/napkin/KERCHIEF (I'm sure that family has a collection) line - I'm also sure Miley's lisp makes talking a little messy - okay, enough.
As I clear the thought of a pre-rhinoplastic (word confirmation?) Ashlee Simpson mixed with Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi" version of a 12 year old who TyPeS LiKe DiS aLL dA FuCkiNg TiMe, gross.
I (like the millions of other Raven fans) can take comfort in the fact that no, Raven won't go there, girlfriend. I mean, post-"Achy Breaky Heart" and before the obvious exploitation of his daughter, I doubt the Cyrus' had a store they frequented more often than Wal-Mart. Which is so fine, but it is no place for me or for Raven.
I'd like to put down my glass of h8erade to say this: I'm not hating on Miley, I'm just supporting Raven. I know it isn't Miley's fault that she was blessed (?) with a speech impediment - no more than Raven can be blamed for being so fucking awesome. We all have our pros and our cons. In addition - I wouldn't argue with anyone proclaiming Miley's "The Climb" to be one of the most moving, grown up, heartfelt, emotional songs ever. And even though I don't think she has a good grasp on her letters or sentence formation (which is natural for an 11 year old) you can so tell she feels it.