"Keep the change, ya filthy animal."

Dude, I'm all about remembering Michael Jackson but have been so disappointed. Not in Joe Jackson's leather-face or Debbie Rowe continuing on her white-trash odyssey. My disgust isn't because my roommate/mother has watched so many MJ tributes since June 25th that I'm thinking of filming it for submission to "Intervention." This is far more serious. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed a glaring absence since news broke about America's fallen one-gloved hero?

Yeah, that's right. Where the fuck has Macaulay Culkin been in the past 2 weeks? He's already divorced his family and broke up with that ugly high school chick he married. I don't think he's scheduled to cameo in any shitty indie movies that are releasing this summer (or ever), so its obvious he has nothing else going on. Besides, if my BFF was "dead" because of an overdose of pain meds, you know I would have (1) taken probably just as many with said BFF and/or (2) milked this shit for all its worth (that is, of course, if the best thing I'd ever done was in the early 90's). Something just isn't right about this - has anyone checked on Macauly lately? If I lived closer (and he still looked like Kevin McAllister) I'd totes do it. Someone call Buzz . . . or his girlfriend (woof!). Right?

To be honest, given the hours of (forced) coverage I've watched and analyzed (thanks, Mom!) I think Michael Jackson is about as "dead" as Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac. But whatever, agree with me or not, but while I'm waiting for the return, I'd at least like to hear one (or a dozen) thoughts from Macaulay, right? Yes.