September 4, 2009


Hey y'all hey. How are you this morning? Its a cool 60-ish degrees in the Old North State, and to be honest, I couldn't be happier. With the weather, that is. If I seem a little lackluster today, its because I was up so late last night. No, not binge drinking and making everyone admire my calves, but at a funeral. The "homegoing" to Michael Jackson was so serene and perfect, except for Reverend Al tweeting the entire time -- so obnox. Wait, what? You didn't see me? Well, first of all, they didn't allow television coverage and second, IDFK how you missed me, I was sitting right in the front row, nursing Blanket.

So, I know you're hoping that because MJ is physically laid to rest, I, too, will lay him to rest in my mind (and also my blog)-- don't hold your breath. I've observed that his passing has become almost . . . patriotic. There might have been a few times in the past decade or so that I've been less than proud of the United States (and no, never ashamed to be an American, so save it) but I will tell you what -- there have been few times I've been prouder of my heritage (I'm at least a quarter Native American) than while driving down the highway, windows down, checking Facebook, updating Twitter with "Dirty Diana" at maximum volume. I think most people feel this way. If not, I'd like to see your green card and ask you to get the fuck back to wherever you hail from, because you surely aren't a legal United States citizen.

That being said, I feel like I've really neglected all of the bullshit that's been going on in our world lately. I mean, jorts aside, Levi Johnston is doing big things (hopefully literally, ya dig?); I had my first foray into stand-up comedy last weekend; I reaffirmed my love/hate relationship with puka shell necklaces; Neville is making progress with his letters & numbers and I've continued wooing numerous middle-aged black women around the state! The best part is, I'm going to share it all with you.

Yes, don't thank me yet, but, you're welcome in advance.

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