March 8, 2011

Who you tryin' to get crazy with, ese?

So here I am, waiting for my car’s heated seats to get adjusted properly. As I'm being forced to endure 3 minutes (so far) of Fox's "fair and balanced" news I've been shown quite a few interesting things. My own ignorance is at fault for not realizing how close we are to the 2012 Presidential Election. I mean, obvs, my homeboy GO-bama is the democratic front runner, right? Its not really him I'm worried about. But, unsurprisingly, two of the potential candidates for the GOP have me worried. Honestly, I don't know how viable they are as potential candidates, but, let's explore. Allow me to digress. I mean Donald Trump . . . Really? It’s laughable at best. You're right, he is better than Sarah Plain (typo but it stays) but they both are embarrassing! For real, Grand Ol' Party? Jesus Christ, his hair alone counts him out. Yes, he does have a bit of Hollywood experience, but before you liken him to Ronald Reagan, keep in mind Home Alone 2 was left out of the Oscar nods from 1993. Done. Next . . .

And don't even get me started on Mike Huckabee. IDFK when centrist-minded repubs are going to start the “Chuck Huck” campaign, but please, allow me to get you going. His latest crazed commentary is fucking insane; I mean homeboy is sheen-ing, for sure. Yes, like, Cypress Hill insane. Take a minute to actually look up what he’s been spouting off . . . Huck’s definitely not made succeeding in not making a case for intelligent design, because that clown-cheeked mouthpiece is still a birther, essentially, and what’s worse, he’s been shit-talking Natalie Portman. Uh, hello, did you even see “Black Swan” . . . ? Has anyone filled a pair of gloves with small rocks and slapped Mike across the face yet? Is Aaron Burr still around to challenge him to a duel? If only I’d taken fencing in school. Shit.

To sum it up for you (and save you the pain of taking your concentration off of me), allow me to sum up. Basically, the Presidential hopeful (since 2007, what! what!) was expressing genuine concern regarding the world view of Barry O. But, that’s a valid concern, right? We all have different world views, to some extent. God knows I’d never utter a negative word against the Best Actress in a Motion Picture for this year. But that’s neither here nor there. He goes on to say that because Barry O. grew up in Kenya (which, actually, he didn’t, but, alas . . . ) he now has some lingering subconscious aggression towards British colonials because of the influence of his grandfather, father, and that goddamn Mau Mau Uprising.

I need to take a quick second here and let you know that even I have a negative opinion of blood-thirsty imperialists. While I love a fucking Thanksgiving Turkey, part of me just can’t buy-in to the whole “Columbus Day” and Smallpox Blanket celebration. Don’t even get me started on the “Dark” Continent. I’ll save most of my opinions for the bar tonight, but I will say, that, given the choice, I’d pick Walter Rodney over Joseph Conrad any day. This is all beside the point, as usual. Let’s get back to the man who’d love to run our country . . . Michael and his opinions. Reframe it, bring yourself back in . . . okay.

Now. Okay. Y'all. Quit laughing. I know he's an ass-clown. Trust me, I feel you. But let's break this down. I mean the Prez didn't grow up in Kenya - plain and simple. It’s not a theory you can try to disprove, like, say, evolution, but rather a fact. People that cannot get past that should probs sail their boats right off the edge of our flat earth's horizon. So, let's continue. I wonder, actually, how do Americans view the Mau Mau Uprising? I have a guess . . . But give me a second to poll the 16 random people in this Fox News-endorsed waiting room.

Okay, after asking each one, yes, even the one reading "National Geographic" - who range in age from high school recent graduate to gentleman that you couldn't call anything else but "Grampz," I received pretty much the same response.

"What? Huh, I don't know."

Well! Huckabee was certainly correct that the American world view of the Mau Mau Uprising is different than that of a "native" Kenyan. Probs because they actually know what the hell it is. Surprising! Americans are clueless. Goddamn you Alicia Silverstone!

I know about the uprising, only because of the lucky chance I got to study under an Africanist professor (who coincidentally has focused copious amounts of research to the effects of the conflict itself) at the number one university in the world. To help you from sounding like a complete jackass at your next dinner party, look it up. Wikipedia it for heavens’ sake! But instead of making a donation to that site, head back to Mama and put it to good use, here. Ah, thank you!

Alright, my heated seats are ready. Game on.

1 comment:

  1. To all the “Chicken Littles” that keep saying that the sky is falling, and the Unites States will fail, never count against the United States of America, we are coming back and you and your phonies are wrong!

    The Birthers just HATE and can’t debate, where is there proof you might asked? Up where the sun don’t shine, HA, HA, show some proof birthers or people will continue to see you as dumb, stupid or racist, maybe all three. Can you blame them?