April 15, 2009

"if you judge people, you have no time to love them" -- mother theresa (right?)

listen, its been a few days, you're so right, but "i've been busy." first off, i had to go out of town to the city of brotherly love and i only had time to eat like 5 cheesesteaks and didn't even run into boyz II men . . . i know! don't get me started, don't even get me started. quickly moving on and leaving that trip where it belongs (on my hips? oh snap! totally kidding, that's what purging is for. . . ) in the finely worn pages of my journal. in my quest confirm that i am, in fact, better than everyone in every endavor, i decided to spend some of my time looking into what it means to blog, nay, the very art of blogging. i set out on my task feeling confident that after my extensive research, if nothing else, i'd be a better blogger, by which i mean 'human' for my trouble.

psh! yeah-fucking-right!

to start off, wikipedia might as well have been written by some hapless bozo (my dad's favorite insult) who took a break from 'dungeons and dragons' and/and cybering to write something with an academic flair. poor bastard couldn't even make it to the free version of microsoft's encarta (don't even act like you would have gotten through 6th grade without that bitch), but, let's be honest, not my problem.

i decided to look at other blogs . . . i wanted to get right down to the nitty-gritty and see people entertaining/enlightening/enriching lives with their written word, albeit electronic, and . . . free.

welp. let me start this paragraph off with a huge 'you are so welcome' . . . i briefly looked at probably about a million different blog examples and found that pretty much (the 'pretty much in this instance is silent) everything is far less entertaining/enlightening/enriching than the this chronicle you read as we speak. . . and i'm new at that! astounding. for example, a blogger, who i thankfully haven't had the misfortune of accidentally meeting, uses entire posts about jesus (and this is abso fine, in fact, on this note i will give homegirl a resounding 'you go girl!') and daily events. now, i know, i know, this is what blogging is supposed to be, right? but, isn't that what a diary with a lock and key and/or your head is for? forgive me if i'm wrong, but day-um.

for example today she writes:

after one lousy mishap over a year ago, i always double check the label on my container of yogurt now on the mornings the flavor is strawberry cheesecake, just to be sure that's what it really is & NOT strawberry banana, before i take a bite. ditto for french vanilla to be sure it isn't a sneaky banana creme.


that motherfucking banana creme! always fucking up my mornings!

i know! listen, i get my active cultures every 24 hours, too. her whole blog is like this. really? i ask you all . . . really? for realz? is that what a 'blog' looks like to most people (who probably look like carmine gotti). . . ? sickening. there's not even a lax understanding of basic grammar. i immediately was sick after finishing two posts.

even re-reading that, i'm starting to feel nauseous. what an amazing bulimia aid . . . so following suit pretty much everyone else's blog (just like most people in general) bore the absolute fuck out of me, or make me feel sick . . . either way its not good. and i guess that's what i get for tyring not to judge people strictly by their physical attributes. trust me, the blogger quoted above had numerous misfortunes, a six-head being the least of them.

i'll be leaving work today (after spending 9 hours . . . overtime included . . . reorganizing the one drawer i use to house envelopes and fat free graham crackers) knowing that yet again the scorecard remains: mother theresa: 0 & saint me: 1.

if judging these idiots makes them unlovable and is thereby wrong (process that a time or two) then fuck it, lock me up and throw me in jail, 'cause i don't wanna be right.

(and, yes, you're welcome for the poor man's english in that last clause.)

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