April 15, 2009

quick rant (omg who says that?)

wait, first and foremost, i just used the word 'rant' in a blog title. and i'm saying the word 'blog' alot . . . i'm starting to feel like a lesbian version of daria (not that there is anything really wrong with that . . . right, okay, i don't even have time to go there) . . . so.

as i was watching the nightly news, the domino pizza story came up. if you happen to be an uneducated dope, google that shit on youtube, you'll thank (?) me for a few reasons, as follows: 1. you won't look like a dumbass tomorrow around the ol' water cooler (omg, daria, get out of my damn cranium!) 2. you'll most likely lose 20 l-b-s immediately because you won't feel like eating for the rest of the week and will never order anything from domino's ever again. i'll give you a moment to watch and/and throw up.

ok, refocusing. i've seen alot of people (my parents) express sheer horror (understandable) and shock at this disgusting display of exactly what it means to be a simple-minded, mildly retarded (mentally handicapped . . . is that what we say in 2009? please advise, but know i don't care) american young adult.

now! back to the subject at hand . . . by hand i mean mouth, by which i mean body fluids (body fluids actually being the most disgusting phrase ever created, ty merriam-webster). at which point, i am reminded of my parents (enough) and their horror and shock at the above-mentioned occurrence. like i said earlier, i will allow a response to this video that resembles horror/disgust/terror/anger/etc., but to hear that the beings of absolute perfection that brought me into this world are surprised . . . really? i began to guffaw in peals of laughter until i realized this was no joke.

i mean thinking about it, its not like anyone working their way through johns hopkins is doing so at domino's fucking pizza. these youths didn't develop their friendship and shared love for italian cuisine (pizza?) over long afternoons spent with oil pastels, longfellow (lit/fig), and silent film on the banks of the damn seine river. outlandish! give me a break! the offenders didn't cross paths in any semblance of class concerned with literature/art history/elementary-level mathematics or basic history at any accredited school offering associate's degrees or even a local trade school. being a mere 2 hours from the location in question, i know the exact community college these idiots dropped out of.

realistically, you've gotta look at those who are really affected by this tragedy: the american institution of domino's pizza; not to mention the faithful, safe, licensed and insured, drivers delivering a smile along with warm pies of delight (and well . . . you fill it in), to each and every dallas cowboyz fan (those bastards fucking l-u-v domino's, or so i've heard). its obvi a vicious cycle, ignorance feeding ignorance.

in summation, sure! i'll hold your hair back as you react to this story, i'll wipe your tears as you wonder how you're going to eat on any given day ending in 'y'. i will be the shoulder to cry upon as you see your future (even though it was just a "potentially part-time backup" to support someone's raging meth habit in this forlorn economy) flash before your eyes. but if you dare to disrespect me by feigning surprise, gazing at youtube or charles gibson's reports with wide eyes, expect me to come across your face with the back of my hand or a pair of gloves with rocks hidden inside.

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