June 11, 2009

Cher's greatest hit (?)

Time out. Chastity Bono has just announced that she (he? how soon do we use that?) plans to "transition to a man." Wow, who saw that one coming?

From what I know about Cher, I'd argue that "If I Could Turn Back Time" was by far her greatest hit. There are others, perhaps, that would offer a different answer. Chastity is not only the name of her first successful album, but also her daughter. IDK about their relationship, but I am definitely the apple of my mother's eye. We get manicures together, listen to Journey all the time and ride to work every day in honor of my desire to save money (in the form of petroleum) and her inability to use the word "No" in my presence. Anyway, tonight has caused me to rethink all of this and consider what our relationship would look like if I decided to swap genders. I shudder to think! I'd still help her with matching her outfits - but I doubt I'd be as good.

Back to Cher and company. First of all, I only know about Chastity Bono because I've got gay people in my family. If you were born in the 80's and unfortunately lack opposite marriages amongst your kin, Google that shit and educate yourself. Right, very (not) surprising to most. Chaz (IDK if that's her legal name yet, but apparently that's her preferred moniker) looks like a man already - shouldn't be too evasive of a procedure, but keep in mind I'm no doctor.

All I'm wondering is WTF is going through Cher's mind right now? Obviously we can't ask Sonny so his opinions are irrelevant. Even though Cher used to be a non-gay supporter, even though the feelings were not mutual - Cher has become such a gay champion. But switching genders is very permanent. How do you explain that shit ? Cher is no stranger to controversy - she'll know exactly what to say, whew!

To those of you still picking your jaw up from the ground, let's examine Chastity's fatherless childhood (can we confirm this?). Think about it - growing up with all those sequins and shimmery fabrics, not to mention Cher's penchant for Hillary Clinton? Transgender-ing is the obvious next step. Normally, I'd give Chastity a high five followed by an emphatic "You Go Girl!" but, seeing as how that's no longer applicable . . . I feel horrible! I just . . . I just . . . I wish I could turn back time . . . I wish I could find a way . . . okay, I don't remember any more lyrics.

You're welcome for that.


  1. you can't imagine the hole you would feel in your life if you KNEW you were supposed to have a penis in between your legs.....and it simply wasn't there. (or can you?)

  2. wow. vic. you are wonderful. is dr. wilson (aka dr. wil-you-marry-vic) a subscriber? the answer better be yes/i do!! : )