You know what one of my abso fave things, ever, is?
The answer is, of course, hypocrisy. I love it. I revel in that shit. If I could, I'd take hypocrisy out for drinks and get tons of steamy gossip. Sadly I can't - so I have to wait for people to fuck up . . . and then get caught.
There have been two outstanding examples in America recently. Yes, there's millions more, but I've had a long day - you'll have to wait for numbers 3 to a milli(on). The thing is, I know I'm going to sound like a hater. But, naturally, I'm not. Either way, I digress.
I know you've all guessed number one. Bristol Palin! Homegirl has outdone herself lately. I mean, as if bear hunting with Levi wasn't glorious enough (FYI, "bear hunting" means something totes different in Alaska) - she screws it all up and gets knocked up! To her mother's (political) dismay - it wasn't through Immaculate Conception - but I bet Madonna was involved somehow - they love that shit in the Arctic. Anyway, we all know the story. With child (inside the womb), with child (outside the womb), engaged, tattoo rings and eventually - heartbreak. So typical. I saw this shit coming from a mile away. What's great about this story is Bristol's recent fight for abstinence! Wasn't it MLK that said "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" . . . ? In B. Palin's case "anything" took the form of an illiterate high school senior trying to make it in the NHL - also, he was named after denim. Wacky bitches up at the North Pole. Not to worry Bristol, we all make mistakes! As I read Bristol's push (no pun intended) for a sex-free life (post baby) on Fox News & Entertainment Tonight - I couldn't help but chuckle! I had to holler at my homeboy - Merriam Webster, just to confirm that I really knew what "abstinence" meant. I did. I haven't read anything about her reading "The Shack" and re-finding Jesus so she's obvi full of shit. I feel bad sex didn't work out the way she imagined, but girl, come on, you can't un-do that whole thing. Born-again virgins are silly and still can't wear white at their weddings. Bottom Linee? Bristol Palin advocating abstinence is as silly as my campaign for non-denim shorts (Levi?) . . . !
Speaking of jeans, next up is Miss California USA. Ah, Carrie Prejean. No offense to Jon-Benet, but isn't it kind of understood that "beauty" queens are all slutty? I'm pretty sure that's been proven. I've had a bit of a problem with CP from her initial appearance on my news feeds. Listen, I love making up phrases with the rest of them, but "opposite marriage" . . . ? Give me a damn break. The term is linguistically as sophomoric as the line of thinking it propagates. You can believe in what you want - just keep it (figuratively) to yourself. Carrie appears on the "Miss America USA" pagaent (which is a poor man's "Miss America") and makes a complete ass of herself, her state (not that Cali has had any street cred since Tupac "passed" and The Terminator took over) and most importantly, Jesus. Don't fuck with Jesus. Homeboy loves everyone, even Carrie and even "opposite humans" Her praise? Outlandish. She was heralded as the paragon of "good Christian morals." Until . . . oh fuck, those undressed pics that she didn't think anyone had, especially not readily available to be published, were, well, published. Everywhere. Listen, take all the scantily or non-clad pictures of yourself you please! Put them under your pillow at night and on your business card - I could care less. But don't make staements about others' integrity when a $50.00 bill was most likely all it took to take off yo' threads. All of this brings me to Donald Trump. That clown fired Carrie as Miss California USA, saying she grew too big for her britches (didn't she take them off for the photos?) because she didn't show up for some events that tomato-face had planned. The pictures were fine though - pedophile. Whatevs! I'm sure her resume is still shining - just like her teeth. No thanks.