June 16, 2009

“It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting.”

Was it just me or was yesterday's post/topic typical of someone so . . . IDK how I want to say this . . . not me? Right. I mean New Jersey and Stacie Carosi? Sick & outlandish. That was embarrassing. I mean, yes, its great, funny and extremely informative, but it was a little lackluster, I'll admit. There's proof that even really great, informative, funny, accurate, adorable people can occasionally have an off day. So sue me.

Anyway, LaNautica and I are getting ready to try out the new bistro in our building (I wish!), but I wanted to take a second to address the increasingly relevant topic of unfair elections. Now, yes, I am using that term loosely. IDK why everyone is up in arms about another country's elections. Last I checked, Ahmadinejad was voted President, right?

Okay, yes, I know, that sounded moronic. Thank God that's taken from a convo I overheard (i.e. totally eavesdropped) of some ho on her phone in the post office. But seriously, I kind of have to agree, a little. We have unfair elections all the time in America. Yes, yes, start spouting off about the 2004 Presidential Election. But I'm talking about a vote that was so unjust, I still don't believe a recount wasn't ordered, like immediately.

I, of course, am talking about the American Idol Finale of 2003. I know you remember - hometown favorite Gay Aiken (either way, I'd still bear his child - pass it on) and the Velvet TeddyBear repping the 2-1-5, Ruben Studdard. Throughout the season I sat in my dorm room and dialed furiously on my cell phone, room phone and any other phone I could get my hands on to get Clay to those finales. And we did. And there I was, in the Outer Banks with my best friends, watching a shitty television with even shittier reception to see who won 2003's "greatest singer in the galaxy" award. I held my breath. I had voted from a pay phone numerous times, and my friends had, too, all very willingly.

Ryan Seacrest opened the envelope and . . . Ruben Studdard. I mean seriously, I ask you, What. the. fuck. After his entourage rushed the stage trying to plug their albums, Clay graciously accepted second and dip-setted. I won't go on about how the only thing velvet about Ruben is his favorite cake or anything that has to relate to his singing and (s)hit single about him being sorry for 2004 or whatever. I know, I am so hating, but there was some illegal shit going on there. Don't get me started. Listen up Ruben, I'm sorry for 2003, personally. That shit rhymed. I think I see another hit.

Clay has since gone on to bear a child, star in tons of (off) Broadway plays and take out a restraining order on me. No, I'm totally kidding, I can't back that up. But he did attend (s)Leesville high school (offense, TM) - a stone's throw from me. Plus I bet Clay loves Raven and Lady Gaga, we'd totes be BFF. Furthermore, anyone ever heard of a multi-platinum CD (corroboration?) "Measure of a Man" . . . ? Psh, I have. Performer? Clay.

"If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room, If I was invincible I'd make you mine tonight . . . " and so on. Tell me those lyrics don't touch you in a way that only Clay can, and does.

So, my point is not to tell you that I threw my phone (along with my best friend's) into the ocean from our crow's nest in utter (incredibly wasted - who let me up there anyway?) disgust. My point is not to try to fight for fairness in Iran or the spread democracy. I'm just an American, who, surprisingly, wants people to pay attention to the turmoil I had in my life in '03. Yes, I've let it go, but damn, America! Justice and equality for all! If Iran recounts, so do we. Just a quick clarification though, Mousavi said he'd recount at any cost, and I've already technically lost like 250 bucks with those phones - so I think we're even.

For those of you looking to add your name to the "official" petition . . . You're welcome.

1 comment:

  1. now that kelly clarkson is the same size as ruben studdard, will she disappear too?