June 9, 2009

(Some of) My Favorite Things are English.

OMG - I am totally flooding this blog. First and foremost, no problem, I like you and the pleasure is all mine! Second, I have no choice. No pun intended from my opening statement, but its pouring outside, and I am stuck in my car listening to Lady Gaga (see, I like a variety of music in addition to hip-hop, jackass) waiting for a break in the downpour. To make a long story short - I just mystic-ed, obvi, and cannot risk the stripes that would occur if water were to get anywhere near my skin - at least for the next 2 hours. So for now, its just us, the rain and a pantless (join the club) Lady Gaga. It doesn't get much better than this.

So I've finally had a chance to catch up on the newz. First of all, I know this story may have already reached you - but I'm pretty (100%) sure that the "stomach ache" Heidi Montag Pratt bitched about over the weekend has another, more medical moniker - chlamydia. I'm no doctor, but I skim over WebMD at least once a week.

Shortly thereafter, thankfully, I came across a delightful video of a press conference with the leader of the British National Party - Nick Griffin. Not knowing anything about the BNP, nor having any desire to Wikipedia that shit - I'm not going to argue policy on either side, but I will quickly recap. What should have been a joyous celebration in a free-speech country turned ugly when peasants/commoners broke through and totes pelted the British National Party's leader with eggs! IDK but I'm pretty sure they don't refrigerate dairy over there - ga-ross! Either way, thank you England. Thank you protesters that I would normally shun while refusing any spare change. You can peep the vid in a moment and thank me later. This story made me seriously consider England. Whether its them half-heartedly backing us up in war, giving the United States the right half of their "Friends Forever" necklace or spurring the American version of "The Office" - England is okay in my book. Since I'm waiting for the storm to pass, and I just spent a serious 3 minutes compiling a list, allow me to highlight my favorite English things.

1. As of about 5 minutes ago, English liberals. It takes something special to be able to throw an egg and hit your target. Trust. This story reminded me of a friend who spent hours on the third floor balcony of her apartment complex one afternoon - launching egg after egg across the street. Sure, it took about 4 dozen to get really good, but the young fraternity recruits had no idea what hit them as they were forced to Elephant Walk through their house. Amazing.
2. Harry Potter and, obvi, Draco Malfoy. This needs no explanation.
3. Feudalism, which gave us vassals who graciously allowed peasants to work their land. Peasants, which I like to refer to as commoners, can usually be found riding the bus.
4. Text Messaging. The English have been doing this shit since the early 90's - while everyone over here was watching the latest episode of "American Gladiators."
5. Polyester (and with that, listen closely for a resounding "Thank You" from my parents circa 1973).

You know what I don't love that hails from England? The cops. Thank heavens Potter makes up for it. Ain't no thang England - I forgive you.


  1. thank God the pilgrims left england to find better (any) dental hygiene and brush their teeth on the reg.

  2. I consider all englishmen my brothers. and all englishwomen potential sexual partners. that being said, it doesn't take a liberal to oppose the BNP.

  3. I used the term "liberal" to mean a stereotypical person that doesn't shower/bathe and opposes the BNP. Note - my minor is in African history thus I am not . . . familiar with British political topics with the exception of the Magna Carta . . . and Margaret Thatcher.