I hope you all are having a magnificent Monday thus far. Listen, I need some help (sort of) - or at least some brainstorming assistance . . . allow me.
When I left work on Friday, I had with me (and had spent at least an hour compiling) a weekend To Do List. I am such a list person - I really can't accomplish anything without one - trust. Given that it was such a good, productive weekend, I got mostly everything marked off - I mystic tanned three times, watched The Chronic - (WHAT?) - cles of Narnia 1 & 2, had three (minimum) glasses of a lovely Chardonnay, took Neville to the dog park and gave him a bath and pet-icure. No, I didn't finish reading "The Secret" or get to confession (although, I did hear Usher's version thrice so I'm counting it) but I'm feeling very good about my accomplishments.
Seriously though, I had two things on my list that I didn't have time to broach and I feel totes embarrassed. The first was to add real life pictures to this amazing daily chronicle you all enjoy . This will be easy. I got a Blackberry Curve back in February for a reason - and since we've broken up, I might as well use it for something worth while. OMG - that was such a joke - and I feel inappropriate leaving it there - but I'm not applying for a job anytime soon (fingers crossed). Anyway - please be ready and excited for this to come. Real life is, obvi, way funnier than a Google picture of Michael Bolton or Kenny G or whateves. I'm jazzed and will start post haste. Then you all can actually put real visuals with all the jokes (lit/fig) I encounter on the daily.
Secondly, and by far more important, has to do with the self-proclaimed King of the South. I hope you all have been slowly but surely increasing your hip-hop listening time. If you haven't been able to, I know you all saw that Emmy-winning (can we confirm?) show with T.I. and those hoodrat kids on MTV? You know, he got them to pick up garbage and broaden their minds in an effort to show Georgia courts he really is a good guy and that he didn't mean to violate his parole with an outlandish amount of guns in his car, honest. Anyway, I hate to break it to you - the show didn't work. Even though T.I. looked like a young Judge Joe Brown with the heart of Mother Teresa, it was a futile attempt. So homeboy's locked up for a year and a day. Good mugshot - not as good or as Lohan-ish as some people's that I know - but, you live and you learn.
With this all being said, in my opinion, something needs to be done. Um, hello, T.I. can have whatever he likes - and at this point, I think its some help getting out of the clink. Being no stranger to "Lockdown: Raw" on MSNBC, I had begun to craft a plan to help T.I. excape (typo and it stays - Michael K, thank you) from the slammer. I don't have any heroin to put in between a stamp and envelope and plus - I'm sure the mother of his children (and new wife) has that on lock . . . down. (Get it?)
Anyway, I feel like I can be most of use to T.I. by writing his name in the prayer book at St. Andrew's Catholic Church and figuring out how to send him a cake that is moist and delicious, but also has a file hidden inside. No, really.
Having not been in jail in . . . a year, I don't know if they've changed the rules. No one on "Lockdown: Raw" gets baked goods sent their way, but all of them are gang members who have killed everyone in their families and in some cases, well, no, I won't go there. But not T.I. - he's got children for God's sake. And a family - can you imagine those little ones growing up without his influence - let alone beats? Disgusting.
I'm going to spend the rest of the evening marking both overlooked items off my to-do list. You're welcome, T.I.