Holy shit - there's something about this week that really must have prompted major accomplishments, advances and inventions for women. in fact, so many occured that I am seriously re-considering everything I've been told to complain about, as a woman. I mean, as a group, we earn close to 80 cents for every dollar men make - even though they work way harder! Not even Tupac reached that level of success - in the early 90's homeboy was still rapping about making a dollar out of fifteen cents! I'm no math whiz, but 80 cents > 15 cents.
That being said - a few "big-ups" are in order.
First of all, can I get a boisterous "Happy Birthday" shout-out to a couple of beauties God has given to the women of the world? Yes, today Pete Wentz, Brian McKnight, Marky Mark & Kenny G all share a birthday. If that doesn't make Jesus your homeboy - IDK what the fuck will.
Secondly (and these are not in order of importance) the automatic washer and dryer made its debut today. Wow, if every woman reading doesn't give a hearty cheer - prepare yourself for a glove full of pebbles across the face. Hello time saver! I know that in my own life, the washer and dryer allows (my mom, who is also my roommate) copious amounts of time to do whatever the fuck you want (in my roommate's case - the dishes). Um, you're welcome! Yes, today was the day in 1780 or whatever that Ben Franklin invented electricity with his bifocals and kite - but come the fuck on - electricity or an automatic W/D? . . . too easy. I'm not sure, but I think the popularity of the washboard as a musical instrument below the Mason-Dixon also increased - I think on June 6, but don't quote me on that.
A mere 22 years ago, "Nightline" had a whole show about AIDS - it lasted until 4 in the morning! Haters. So fitting that a disease that has been far more detrimental to women (who don't contract it from men, right? Anyone Pre-Med?) would have some invaluable television time half a decade too late! I hope someone at NBC got a promotion for that shit. I'm betting it was Chris Hansen - he loves the most immoral and computers weren't invented yet, so, do the math.
Before you all get started, I would never forget to mention Suze. I know we all know that 100 years ago Suze Orman was crawling down her mother's birth canal (there are way too many things to say on that, I'll allow you) but can we all take a moment to honor one of the most gorgeous things I have ever seen on VH1?
On June 5, 1993 (jesus I feel old), Mariah Carey wed her (ugly/old/loaded) producer, Tommy Mottola in one of the most elegant, meaningful ceremonies I. have. ever. seen. Sure it only lasted seven years and he apparently was "abusive and controlling" but come on girl - you looked good in that full lace-sleeved dress. A vision in white. I'm sure she was a virgin, too, which makes it all the more special.
I don't really know anything about MC since "Dream Lover" inspired me to make my own music video - but I think I'll holler out a "Girl Power" for her finding love, yet again. This time, with someone twenty years younger, rather than her first attempt with the opposite. Ah, some people are just lucky in love.