Well, here we are again. I've just got to take a second and totes give a birthday shout (of sorts, if you will, and, let's be honest, we both will) to our favorite (unless, like most, you couldn't get in) school that is far superior than yours, The University of Texas at Austin. Yes, this day marks the anniversary of Texas' opening, back in 1883, and I felt the need to figuratively tip my hat to one of America's most prestigious public ivies, obvi. I mean, yeah, its my alma mater, but, jesus, name me one other school who produced the likes of Walter Cronkite, Marcia Gay Harden (is it officially Dr. Harden? regardless, please see her in "The First Wives Club" as Dr. Leslie Rosen and Disney's 1997 breakaway hit "Flubber" as Dr. Sara Jean Reynolds); Janis Joplin (almost); world renown humanitarian Jenna Bush; and last, but certainly not least, Roger Clemens. Right, you can't.
I'm just going to take the rest of the day I've kind of worked and reflect upon the greatness that is The University of Texas, and everything we represent as students, alumni and lifelong supporters. If I were to list each of these out for you, I'd start with unparalleled ambition, drive and integrity, followed closely by (perhaps even tied for first) a keen ability to binge drink (both legally and illegally, thank you Jenna Bush), not to mention our state of the art observatory and primate center. I could obvi go on for hours, detailing what the (outside of the building that holds a copy of) the Gutenburg Bible looks like (from across the street with a Shiner in hand); I could regale you with tales of tailgating that essentially doesn't end and the reward of a stumble home from DKR; I could even pause to reflect how great the Tower looks illuminated to the shade of burnt orange as you're enjoying a Mexican Martini (or three if you sneak) from the Trudy's deck. But no, I won't do it to you, I like you too much. I mean, what would be the point of me sitting here, going on about how, even though its technically UT's birthday, 8 hours spent in the back of a raft with a cooler attached seems more like a present from Texas to me, rather than the other way around. There just isn't a point.
I must say, I'm gearing up for our 126th year to be our best yet. I don't want to jump any guns, but, I'm looking forward to . . . okay, I can't even risk the jinx - its all too exhilarating (I apologize if any one from most ACC/SEC, etc. schools have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about). Just, be ready, because we ready. Say what you will haters, as you sit atop your Chapel Hill rooftop bar far from the cares of the street below (which I guess, longitudinally is far the hell away from the top 10, for that matter). Scoff if you will, Soonerz, hailing from Norman, Oklahoma (which might as well be Salt Lake City, since the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints dropped some "caffeine free & waiting until marriage" knowledge on your proverbial top spot 2 weeks ago (weekend ref.) Duh.
So, in conclusion, you go on, Texas! You're only as old as you feel! I'll be pouring one out for you tonight. No, thank you! And damn, you can superman that ho (not anyone I've ever known would know personally) better than most I've seen.