September 10, 2009

Part Two (of Two), Joey!

Now that I've covered Joe Wilson's tasteless and behavior completely lacking in the Southern charm I have come to adore; I'm going to quickly respond to a comment I heard post-speech. I don't remember it verbatim, but I do recall that the concerned citizen made mention of "Canadian-style health care coming to an American city near you!" This is incorrect and disgusting on about a million levels.

Not even speaking factually (which, of course, if I were, I'd have to point out that the claim is silly and has no basis in the health care plan whatsoever), but strictly on a Canada level, its about time they gave us something worthwhile! I mean, Jesus, if we are anything with those bastards up North, its at least equal, right? Last time I tallied (just now) they owe us a shit ton of things. We've given them Michael Jackson, Velcro, a huge fucking (and easily cross-able) border with us; and MTV. What's the last thing they've given us? Fucking Dave Coulier? Alanis Morrisette? No fucking thanks, dude. Its about time we square up with Canada. From what I know about history in general (not much), especially as it pertains to the American/Canadian relationship, the last time we were even and "all debts paid" with each other was like the fucking eighteenth century. Even, if you don't count the fact that we were ripped off, of course - I blame it on the giving and trusting American spirit. Yeah, y'all know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure that sometime in the 1600's or 1700's we bought New York or the Hudson River or some land for like a nickel (that is not valued at its current rate today, folks) and some mink pelts. (Ir)Regardless of the fact that that land is good for shit up there (as are most people that come from it), Canada owes us, big time. Yeah, I mean they've given us . . well . . they've enhanced our palette, I suppose, but last I checked small round slices of ham calling itself "bacon" doesn't hold a candle to NAFTA. But, as an American, I'm willing to have pity and offer them a deal. I think we can truly square away, debt wise with those maple-leaf idiots if, in addition to them giving us a Canadian-style health care system (because that, after all, is what Obama's plan calls for, right?), Canada coughs up full ownership to Niagara Falls and takes back their damn Canadian-style tuxedos.

. . . and yes, right now would be the opportune moment for Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC) to chime in with a hearty "Suck it, Canada!" for us all to applaud.

For your pleasure, Canada, I've included a snapshot of your filth attacking America's former sweethearts, Britney and Justin. Had they known the effect their outfit choice would have had for their careers, sanity and country years down the road, I bet they'd have changed clothes, for realz.

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